Season One of the Sparkle Photo Series
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I am by no means an expert on mental health, but I’ve gone through some hefty trials and tribulations. This last year has undoubtedly been the hardest of my life, and I wouldn’t change a minute of it. It has made me into who I am today: an Artist, a Teacher, a Friend, an Explorer, a Philanthropist, and a Fighter. |
Hello World, My name is Daranee Amphay and I have depression. Before I tell you that story, I want to tell you three facts about myself. 1) I love animals more than the average person 2) I am a huge family person and 3) I’ m an introvert. |
I’ve been asked more than once about my depression timeline and how long I’ve been living with this constant sadness and anxiousness I carry around daily. I can pinpoint the exact day and the exact moment it all changed. The summer of my 13th year my Dad was extremely ill in the Intensive Care Unit for months. His Doctor came out to the waiting room we had been staying in every night for the summer and told us to say our “Goodbyes” because he wasn’t going to make it through the night. I went into his room gowned, gloved, and masked and I couldn’t process what was happening to us at that exact moment. After saying my “goodbye” and walking away from the man who raised me, I wasn’t ever the same. |
This was my struggle, and is my struggle. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety at the ripe age of 8, and it was completely earth-shattering to my "butterflies, 'everything is sunshine', Powerpuff girls, and Lizzie Mcguire obsessed" world. The moment I first discovered my condition was in 3rd grade. We were getting ready to dissect a lamb's brain, and "out of the blue," something completely irrational, and manic happened,...my chest fastened tight as if I had cinched up a corset right onto my rib cage, my heart began to flutter like a bajillion trapped butterflies, my breath turned into a marathon runner's, my hands became a puddle of sweat and my mind was screaming, I am going to die! My heart is going to burst!" This is what we like to call "fight or flight" mode. I was fighting to abandon ship. To race out of there and never come back. Why? I don't know. I. don't. know. And that is the sucky part. That is how a panic attack works. There doesn't necessarily HAVE to be a rhyme or reason. Just something "chemical." And it's brutal. And scary. |
Did you know that 44% of rape victims are under 18? And that 4/5 victims know their assaulter personally. Or how about that 68% of rapes AREN'T reported because of the other 32% that are, only 2% will spend time in jail. That's 98% of rapist that will NEVER pay for what they did. I have lived with "trauma depression" since I was 13 years old. Get that "trauma"...at 13 I had hit rock bottom...I couldn’t handle walking around school pretending to still be that peppy, outgoing girl that got a long with everyone. It was exhausting lying to everyone including myself. I didn't tell anyone what had happened to me for FIVE months. Nobody. |
Depression and anxiety aren’t easy things to live with. No kind of disorder that is known to man is. I’ve been depressed for as long as I can remember. Not a lot of people know because I tend to do what everybody else does that deals with it; smile. Just put on a smile and pretend that everything is okay. I never want to burden anyone with my problems because I know that others have problems of their own. I don’t open up to anyone because who really cares? I don’t let people in because I don’t trust many people. |
From the voice of Ashley: |
Discussing my feelings has always been challenging for me. For as long as I can remember I've constantly been told that I was over reacting or that I needed to calm down. My feelings have been invalidated over & over again so I bottle things up. Numbness became second nature because I was constantly worrying my feelings were inappropriate in every situation no matter how small or how big. |